It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
