I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
