I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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