I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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