just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Randomize
