I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
