..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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