This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
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it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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