It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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