the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
