OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
well most of my day revolves around power hour
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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