sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
