i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Sober January is a disaster.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
