My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
