VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
