Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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