I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
