how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
