So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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