At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i believe in u and ur pee
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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