so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
