so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
