Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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