Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
is wine microwaveable?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
