This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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