so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
