my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
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I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
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In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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