the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
