I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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