Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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