So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
