there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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