Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize