I wish I could punch you in the face.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
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Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
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I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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