I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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