Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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