Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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