First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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