would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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