im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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