I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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