I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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