No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
