it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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