remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
