The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
