and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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