My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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