did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
babies were throwing up all over the place
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
