i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
