They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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