Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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