Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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