It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
