I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.