Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.