I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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