Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
