so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
